Why I’ve Seen Inside Out So Many Times
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I’ve seen Inside Out five times.
And I have plans to see it again this week.
And next week.
And the week after.
And if my brother hasn’t taken my dad to see it by early August, I’ll see it again then.
And you can bet I’ll be buying the DVD.
And right about now, you’re probably wondering:
“Why?!?”
It’s a fair question.
One I keep trying to answer…
…by going back to see Inside Out yet again.
Discussion in the Kitchen
Our family increased the average age in the theater by about ten years when we saw Inside Out together on June 18.
In case you haven’t seen it yet, I’ll try to avoid spoilers. Let’s just say that:
- Annemarie and I didn’t think to bring Kleenex, so we both soaked our sweaters.
- Jonathon choked on his own laughter at the “Girl! Girl! Girl!” scene.
- Daniel and I busted up so hard at the teacher’s inner world, we scared all the small children. In all of Santa Cruz county.
- The cat had us all crying “Uncle!”
Once we got home, Daniel (INTP) sequestered himself in his music studio, watching YouTube videos of things blowing up to detox from all the emotion.
The NFs of the family – Annemarie (ENFJ), Jonathon (INFP/J), and me (E/INFJ) – ended up having a three-hour discussion in the kitchen.
My 6-foot tall bearded boy perched precariously on the counter and asked questions like:
#1) “Who is at the head of your console?”
#2) “Which of your emotions do you consider most dangerous?”
Jonathon felt Fear is at the head of his console: a protectiveness that constantly looks out for the well-being of others.
Annemarie felt Anger takes the lead among her emotions, in terms of passion and justice.
I felt that for me it should be Joy … but it’s been Fear for so many long years. (See Frozen.)
Annemarie’s initial response to #2 caused them to split it into:
#2a) “Which of your emotions do you consider most dangerous to yourself?”
#2b) “Which of your emotions do you consider most dangerous to others?”
As I pondered both of these questions, I realized:
I consider Anger the most dangerous emotion of all.
And I experience all Anger – mine and others’ – as pain.
My Circle of Sadness
Over the last few weeks, I’ve been making more poor food choices than usual.
I’ve been disappointed to find myself reaching for old tools, slipping back into old patterns.
So this morning I started to give myself a stern pep talk:
- It’s Monday–a fresh start.
- Don’t ruin everything again!
- Stay. Out. Of. The. Kitchen.
Then I recalled the Inside Out scene in which Joy tries to contain Sadness. She draws a chalk circle on the floor with Sadness standing in the middle. Dubbing it “The Circle of Sadness,” Joy tasks Sadness with staying inside the circle. So she won’t ruin everything again.
And I realized:
The kitchen is my Circle of Sadness.
My Circle of Fear.
My Circle of Disgust.
And my Circle of Anger.
Especially my Circle of Anger.
Why I Keep Going Back
Inside Out has so many small scenes that are huge for me.
Scenes that make me realize, “Oh, is this how it’s supposed to work?”
That make me think, “Dang, I wish I’d known this a few decades ago!”
That make me long for a healthy, Spirit-lead, collaborative relationship between my own emotions.
I keep going back because by the end, I feel bold enough to stand up and say:
“Nobody puts Sadness in the Circle!”
And I have renewed hope:
It’s not too late for me to learn to live this way.
I recently read a book that gave me some help when thinking about emotions. It mentioned that all emotions are energy. If you use them well, they work for you, and can help you with your daily tasks. If you fight against them, they drain you, because you are using energy to fight your own energy. It’s obvious how joy could be helpful, of course. Fear is energy that prepares you for being courageous. You gain attention to detail, focus, and the adrenaline helps you act with less hesitation. Anger is the energy for changing things. Anger gives you the drive to do what needs to be done, it gives a boost to strength, and prevents distractions. Anger let’s you know when something is detrimental and genuinely needs to change. Anger tends to be a protective emotion in my experience, you just have to remind it that it needs to be gentle about making changes. Sadness is the emotion that reminds you how much you care about something. After all, if something goes wrong and you don’t feel all that sad about it, you might not have cared about it as much to begin with. In my own experience, frustration isn’t exactly pleasant to deal with, but it almost always comes right before I learn a new thing. Disgust generally protects a person from danger, usually disease based danger. (Although sometimes it gets confused, and insists that vegetables are poison. I wish I knew how to correct it on that.)
I’ve found that treating my emotions as though they are all looking out for my best interests usually helps me to figure out why I’m feeling that way, and how best to satisfy those emotions in a productive way.
Saw this with my husband and daughter over July 4th weekend. Who knew that less than a week later we would so desparately need some of the lessons. My daughter is having such a hard time coming to grips with losing her Nana so suddenly. It is the only grandparent she had a full relationship with and her plans were that Nana would see her married, have children, etc. She also is having guilt over what she didn’t do enough of. This movie has shown me that all these feelings are necessary and have kept me talking rather than trying to paper over the hard stuff with her. I might have to take my husband back for another watch as he is pushing his emotions down right now.
I just saw the movie with my 2 kids today – but they are 7 and 10 so I think a lot of it went over their heads. I think it’s so good that you were able to chat about it with your children later! But I was so interested to see that you are an E/INFJ – that’s my Myers Briggs type too! No wonder I identify with a lot of what you write! But I was wondering – is Myers Briggs a little different from the other Personality Type classifications? For example, with the 4 Temperaments categories I would definitely consider myself Melancholy (Sadness heads up my console for sure …) whereas you are mostly Choleric right? Anyway, I find it all so interesting how we are all so different – both how we are wired – and as the movie showed so well, how our experiences and memories shape us into who we are.
But I think the kitchen is also a place of joy and family for you. You and your kids have some good times together cooking there. I’ve seen the pictures! Like most things in life, it has good and bad.
Thanks for pointing that out, Heather! You’re right — it is changing. I just hadn’t really consciously noticed it. I shall be more intentional about doing so!
Inside Out is a powerful movie! When I saw it, all the adults in the theater were crying and crying and crying (so glad I brought Kleenex). Loved Inside Out, can’t wait to see it again. The folks at Pixar really touched a nerve with this one.