Warm-Up Day 7: Why Spotlighting Strengths Works So Much Better
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
Romans 12:18
My natural instinct is to chip away at others so they will become more like me.
I can even feel quite certain God needs me to change you, so you’ll quit annoying me with your weaknesses.
But when I search BibleGateway.com, “Cheri will convict of all sin” never shows up.
(When I try quoting from Cheri’s Revised Version, my husband insists it doesn’t count. He can be so annoying at times!)
Not “More Like Me”
Well, if I’m not supposed to change other people so we can all live at peace, what am I supposed to do?
“You can only change your mind and not someone else’s.” (Click to Tweet this.)
These wise words come from a dear sister who commented on yesterday’s blog.
We need to change how we see, hear, and understand others.
And this is where the PURSE-onalities have been a truly God-sent tool in my life. If you’re not familar with the four basic personalities, or if you’d like to brush up on them, you’re welcome to listen to three of my messages:
- “Let’s Get PURSE-onal!”
- “Personality Puzzle for Parents of Preschoolers”
- “Healthy Marriages Major in History (NOT Math!)”
And here’s an online Personality “test” you can take (Note: In this test, Expressive = Sanguine; Analytic = Melancholy; Driver = Choleric; Amiable = Phlegmatic.)
More Like God Created You and Me to Be
Spotlighting the strengths in each PURSE-son moves me out of accusation and into acceptance, which means “to take what is offered” and “to receive willingly.”
So I don’t try to alter, revise, return, or exchange you. I take you just as you offer yourself.
I don’t demand that you become different before I’ll treat you with love and respect. I receive you willingly as you are.
When I spotlight your strengths, all sorts of light blubs start going on in me. I have “ah-HA!’ moments left and right.
- No wonder you ___!
- This explains ___ so much!
- Now ___ makes a lot more sense to me!
- I don’t ____ but you do!
When I choose to spotlight your PURSE-onality strengths, I literally change my mind about you.
Let’s say you’re helping me set up for a big church dinner. I’m tossing silverware on the tables any old way, and you’re coming behind me lining it up perfectly.
If I fixate on your weaknesses, I’ll accuse you:
- She never thinks anything I do is good enough! She’s such a persnickety perfectionist!
As I mull-again-and-stew over that, contempt brews:
- I may not do things as well as she does, but at least I’m not rigid and demanding!
But when I spotlight your strengths, I accept you:
- She sure wants everything PERFECT for the women who are coming tonight. By making everything so well ORGANIZED, she’s making sure everyone can just relax and have a wonderful time.
Can you sense the difference? Isn’t this a change of mind worth making?
More Like Jesus
You know, a lot of people beg for help when they desperately need her. But then they call her ‘picky’ when they don’t need her any more.
It can’t be easy to be so conveniently ‘popular’ only when people need her analytical abilities and then, afterward, suddenly become the object of scorn.
Compassion is the opposite of contempt.
The opposite of making others “more like me.”
It makes you and me more like God created us to be.
Compassion makes us more like Christ.
Reflect and Respond
- What does Romans 12:18 say to you today?
- If you are recognizing an accusatory, contemptuous spirit toward someone in your life, how do you need to change your mind toward this person?
- How could demonstrating acceptance and compassion change a key relationship in your life?
I really liked listening to the audio of Personality Puzzle for Parents of Preschoolers.I am really impressed with it. I really like listening to guest speakers and have listened to quite a few over the years. You, in my opinion, are a very good speaker, but additionally, give very good, balanced, Christian advice to families. Thanks! Debbie Seiling Bible Passages That Can Influence Your Life blog http://bible-passages.blogspot.com
“When I choose to spotlight your PURSE-onality strengths, I literally change my mind about you.”
Yes! Most of the time, people talk about changing their minds, when I think they’ve really HAD their minds changed. But, we really can CHOOSE to dwell on the things that are lovely, pure, praiseworthy, excellent, etc… and change our minds.
Good stuff. 🙂
My friends and I were discussing this today …its like we are creatures of habit….complain…yep we sure do….we talk about it then we turn around and do it again…except now with our bracelets we catch our self and we are hoping to take a bad habit and turn it to good. Not hoping we have made huge improvements …amazing how we have to have a picture drawn for us …
but we get it !!!! we all need work..
I have been more watchful of my words, thoughts and actions. Something small like I sigh sometimes instead of complaining, but those around me still know how I feel. I’m not hiding anything. I need to work on my inner-self as much as my outward self. If we do something, but not out of love, it’s a good as not doing it at all.
This has already been helping to understand. I haven’t officially started the challenge but have already backed down when I want to say my piece of mind. I already had two good days with family! This will be an interesting month!
Acceptance and compassion. *deep breath* Yes, there is a person I consider abrasive (and a host of other things), to whom I would be better able to minister if I focused on her strengths.